Some really good thoughts from Carrie Canup on dealing with suffering (which can be mental, physical, emotional, or some combination), and even more on how to NOT deal with people who are suffering from any or all of the above.
Originally shared by Carrie Canup
It occurred to me, this morning, how much I despise those t-shirts I see places, and the entire fucking idea of “but did you die?”
Seriously? That is one of the most assholish, passive aggressive, dismissive wats of devalidating someone’s experience. Oh sure, to the person delivering it, whatever the complaint, clearly your still breathing so it can’t be that bad… Wrong. It so can, and it is. Just because you can’t see it doesn’t make it imaginary or inconsequential.
Most days I appear healthy and typical in function, but I’m not. I have constant pain in my lower back, and radiating pain down my legs, I get very debilitating migraines. Then there is the foot that I’ve sprained /broken twice in 2 years, mystery rib pain, occasionally hyper sensitivity that touching my skin hurts (including clothing). “Not dying” will not erase this.
Even so, were someone complaining about something that even I consider trivial, it doesn’t make ones frustration and pain any less for that person. You’ve now shamed them and now they are disinclined to share anything with you, or anyone else for that matter. They will bury that pain, and trust me, buried pain never manifests positively.
So…. Don’t say that. Don’t tolerate other people saying that. Call people out and be an advocate for people that can’t or won’t.
Because, Did you die? No, but there are days I wish I would.